do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
