How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
