She is in my trunk
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
