Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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