i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Operation Purity has been aborted
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
