So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
