Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
