when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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