Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
