i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
