I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
