Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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