wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
