We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
