I hate your face
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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