I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
