Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
