you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
