mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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