I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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