Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
