fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
