Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
