i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
