That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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