i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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