i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
