That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Mom said you looked used
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
