After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
