I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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