My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
