Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
there's paper in my vomit.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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