hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
