a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
