apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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