and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
