My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
