Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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