If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
