Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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