Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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