just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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