If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
