then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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