then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
