I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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