No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This is the high leading the old right now
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
