I only kidnapped one of them. chill
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
