so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
