I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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