proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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